का झोंबतं जेव्हा कोणी चुका दाखवतं? | How to take feedback |

    Criticism ऐकायला आवडत नाही… feedback टाळतो… का? कारण, आपल्याला वाटतं की feedback म्हणजे अपमान, तर actual मध्ये तो एक mirror असतो. या व्हिडिओत मी सांगतो: Feedbac...

    का झोंबतं जेव्हा कोणी चुका दाखवतं? | How to take feedback |

    Avinash Chate - Leadership Coach at employee engagement session

    Why Feedback Hurts—and How I Learned to Use It for Growth

    Criticism is rarely easy to hear. Even the most capable professionals, managers, and leaders feel a sting when someone points out a mistake, a blind spot, or a weakness. I have seen this repeatedly in training rooms, leadership conversations, and coaching discussions across industries. The truth is simple: feedback feels uncomfortable because we often confuse it with rejection.

    Key takeaway: Feedback is not an attack on your identity; it is information about your performance, and when you learn to receive it well, your growth accelerates.

    As Avinash Chate, a TEDx speaker and author of The Winning Edge, I have worked with professionals from 1,000+ organizations, and one pattern stands out clearly. People do not resist feedback because they hate improvement. They resist it because feedback touches the ego before it reaches the intellect.

    Why Feedback Feels So Personal

    When someone says, “You could have handled that better,” our mind often translates it into, “You are not good enough.” That is where the discomfort begins. The words may be about a presentation, a decision, a conversation, or a leadership style, but internally, many people experience it as a judgment of self-worth.

    This is why feedback can trigger defensiveness, silence, excuses, or even withdrawal. We are not reacting only to the words. We are reacting to what those words seem to mean about us.

    I have noticed that high performers are especially vulnerable to this. They care deeply about doing well. They want to be respected. So when flaws are pointed out, they feel an internal clash between their self-image and the new information being offered.

    But growth begins the moment we stop asking, “Why are they saying this to me?” and start asking, “What can this teach me?”

    The Real Difference Between Criticism and Feedback

    Not all criticism is useful, and not all feedback is delivered well. That is true. Some people speak carelessly. Some point out faults without context. Some use tone in a way that creates resistance. However, if we reject every uncomfortable message because the delivery was imperfect, we lose valuable insight.

    I prefer to look at feedback as a mirror. A mirror does not insult you. It only shows you what is there. You may not like what you see in that moment, but the mirror gives you a chance to correct, improve, and present yourself better.

    In my sessions, I often tell participants that mature professionals separate message from manner. If the manner is poor, you can still learn from the message. If the message is weak, you can discard it without emotional drama. This emotional discipline is what helps leaders grow faster than others.

    That is one reason feedback plays such an important role in the KITE Leadership Framework. Leadership is not built only through confidence and communication. It is also built through self-awareness, adaptability, and the willingness to refine one’s approach continuously.

    How Ego Blocks Growth

    Ego is not always loud. Sometimes ego appears as overconfidence. Sometimes it appears as hurt. Sometimes it appears as the need to explain everything. And sometimes it appears as a quiet refusal to change.

    When feedback comes, ego immediately wants to protect identity. It says:

    Now, sometimes these thoughts may contain a little truth. But if these are your first and only responses, improvement stops there.

    I have learned that the most powerful professionals are not the ones who never make mistakes. They are the ones who recover quickly because they do not waste energy defending every flaw.

    Avinash Chate believes that real confidence is not the absence of correction; it is the ability to remain steady while being corrected. That shift changes everything. Once you stop treating feedback like humiliation, you start using it like fuel.

    If your ego protects your comfort, it may also block your next level.

    How I Recommend Taking Feedback Practically

    Whenever someone gives you feedback, do not rush to react. Create a small pause. That pause is where maturity lives. In that moment, your job is not to defend yourself. Your job is to understand.

    Here is the process I recommend:

    This simple approach reduces emotional noise. It turns feedback from a personal wound into a practical conversation.

    I have seen this make a real difference in leadership and communication programs, including interactions with teams from organizations such as Sports Authority of India. Whether someone is leading a team, managing execution, or building influence, the ability to receive feedback with composure creates credibility.

    It also improves relationships. Why? Because people trust those who can hear the truth without becoming hostile. If your team feels they must walk on eggshells around you, honest communication dies. And once honesty dies, performance declines quietly.

    What to Do When Feedback Is Harsh or Unfair

    This is an important question because not all feedback is wise. Sometimes it is vague. Sometimes it is emotionally charged. Sometimes it reflects the other person’s frustration more than your actual performance.

    Even then, I suggest a balanced response.

    First, do not absorb everything emotionally. Second, do not reject everything instantly. Instead, ask yourself three questions:

    This keeps you grounded. You do not become fragile, and you do not become arrogant either.

    There is another benefit here. When you develop this mindset, you stop fearing evaluation. You become more coachable, more resilient, and more effective under pressure. In a fast-changing professional environment, that is a major advantage.

    If you are interested in strengthening learning systems inside organizations, you may also explore 5 Ways to Leverage Technology in Corporate Training for Maximum Impact. If your work involves operational and execution-heavy environments, you may find value in Corporate Training for Logistics and Supply Chain Companies in Mumbai, India. And if you want a broader reflection on staying committed despite difficult phases, I recommend When Donations Fall, Should You Abandon the Mission?.

    Feedback Is a Growth Habit, Not a One-Time Skill

    The biggest mistake people make is treating feedback as an occasional event. It is not. It is a growth habit. The more regularly you seek it, the less emotionally painful it becomes. The less you seek it, the more threatening it feels.

    I encourage professionals to ask for feedback before a crisis forces it on them. Ask after presentations. Ask after meetings. Ask after projects. Ask your manager, peers, team members, and even clients what one thing you should continue and one thing you should improve.

    This practice builds self-awareness faster than self-reflection alone. We all have blind spots. No amount of intelligence removes them completely. Other people help us see what we cannot see ourselves.

    As Avinash Chate, I have seen careers transform when people change their relationship with feedback. A defensive manager becomes an inspiring leader. A hesitant employee becomes a confident communicator. A capable professional becomes truly exceptional—not because they were perfect, but because they became teachable.

    If you want to grow in communication, leadership, mindset, and professional effectiveness, start with this principle: do not run from feedback. Learn to receive it, examine it, and use it wisely.

    That is how your next level begins.

    If you would like to book a corporate training session, visit https://avinashchate.com.

    Frequently Asked Questions

    Why does feedback feel like a personal attack?

    Feedback feels personal when we connect our performance with our identity. Instead of hearing a suggestion for improvement, we hear a judgment about our worth. Learning to separate the two makes feedback easier to accept.

    How can I stay calm when someone points out my mistakes?

    Pause before reacting, listen fully, and ask for a specific example. This helps you move from emotion to clarity and prevents defensive responses that block learning.

    What if the feedback is badly delivered?

    Even poorly delivered feedback may contain useful truth. Focus on extracting what helps you improve, while not absorbing the unnecessary emotional tone.

    Why is feedback important for leaders?

    Leaders need feedback because blind spots become costly at higher levels of responsibility. A leader who accepts correction with maturity builds trust, improves decisions, and creates a culture of openness.

    How often should I ask for feedback?

    Ask regularly, especially after important meetings, presentations, projects, or team interactions. Frequent feedback reduces fear, increases self-awareness, and supports continuous growth.

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    About the Author

    Avinash Chate is a TEDx speaker, published author of The Winning Edge and The Unanswered, and founder of The Future Corporate & Business Coaching. With over 15 years of experience training 1,000+ organizations including CIE Aluminium casting India Ltd, Magnus Farm Fresh, Kaeser Compressors India, Rajarambapu Patil Sahakari Sakhar Karkhana Limited, Avinash is recognized as Maharashtra's leading corporate trainer. He created the KITE Leadership Framework and the 25-Star Competency Framework™, delivering high-impact programs across leadership, team building, sales transformation, and emotional intelligence.

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